you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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