I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
