Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
