Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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