No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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