Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
