I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
