well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
