my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my shit smells like andre
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
