onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
