Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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