Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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