I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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