that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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