i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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