Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
