how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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