just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
a search helicopter?!
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
