We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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