I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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