I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
