We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
