Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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