you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
