Just fell off a train. Bad.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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