Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
