I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
