my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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