You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
