Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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