the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
