you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
