and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
