Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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