the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
