I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
