his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I am available for nakedness
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
