All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
