I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
