Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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