no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just had sex on a roof
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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