I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
