That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
