I think my vagina is haunted
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
