yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
