yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I deserve to be covered in dicks
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
