Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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