I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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