Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
