I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
