well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
