ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
