I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
