First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
