____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
